Liv, in the Moment Page 12

  "Again? When was the first time you noticed?"

  "Right around the time you had a meltdown over Ana groping Connor."

  Meltdown was a little strong, wasn't it? "Why haven't you ever said anything to me about it?"

  "Because you were in denial. And who am I to say anything. The Unrequited Love of My Life doesn't even look at me. At least Connor talks to you." Chelsea linked her arm through Liv's. "C'mon. The bell's about to ring." They walked toward their first class. And passed Jayden Crane.

  Chelsea was right. He didn't look at her.

  At first.

  Liv turned back and caught him watching Chelsea. His expression was unreadable but-- "He just looked at you, Chelse!"

  "What!" She turned so fast her neck cracked, but Jayden was no longer looking.

  "I saw him. He waited until you walked past, and then he turned around to look at you."

  Chelsea's sigh was deep and heartfelt. "That is so going to sustain me through college."

  Liv giggled. "We are so pathetic."

  "Oh no way. You don't get to be part of this club yet. It requires years of hopeless dedication."

  Liv gave herself a new purpose for the rest of the day. She would focus only on Jackson. Her being "Connor-fied" was about to end. Permanently.

  Jackson. Jackson. Jackson.

  She loved his lazy smile, his easy humor, the way he looked at her. She was so rocking his vibe.

  "You still okay with meeting my dad?" he said during lunch.

  Liv tried not to make a face. "I'm nervous. I feel..."

  "What?"

  She blushed. "With the way you describe him I keep getting visions of him hitting me with a Bible or something."

  Jackson laughed so hard it made her laugh.

  He pulled her onto his lap and nuzzled her neck. "Maybe not the first time you meet."

  She didn't really think he was serious. Not really.

  When she saw his smile, she relaxed a little. "Why exactly does he want to meet me?" It seemed a little soon for a meet and greet.

  He stared into her eyes for a moment then said in his slow way, "'Cuz I like you."

  Oh melt.

  Why had she felt anything less than yes last night with him? She couldn't remember.

  Chelsea sat down across from them. "Such a cute couple." She grinned. "So should we all go to Homecoming as a group?"

  Awkward! Liv looked everywhere but at Jackson.

  "I haven't asked her yet, Chelsea." He didn't sound embarrassed. Liv peeked at him. He was amused.

  "Oh," Chelsea said. "Well, when you do ask--"

  Liv debated interrupting. Probably should. But... No.

  "--should we all go together?" Chelsea finished.

  "Sounds good to me," Jackson said. "I'll check with Liv when I ask her."

  Liv smiled and snuggled against his chest.

  She was on Cloud Nine-thousand the rest of the day. When she got home and saw Connor later, she was too happy to feel any tension around him. "Hi!"

  He clearly didn't know how to take her wide smile. He pulled a mini orange juice bottle out of the fridge and chugged it back. "What's up?"

  "Jackson almost asked me to Homecoming."

  His look suggested she was a little bit pitiful. "Well, almost congratulations."

  She laughed. "No, he said to Chelsea, in front of me--"

  "That's great, Liv."

  "You know what this means?"

  She knew he was about to say he didn't really care. "We are going dress shopping, Connor." She deliberately said it in a slow drawl. "Lap it up, sucka."

  He stared. "You still want to do that after last night?" As soon as the words were out, he acted like he'd like to pull them back.

  He probably didn't want to talk about what happened. Well, neither did she. Getting de-Connor-fied meant not talking about feelings. She'd stick to dresses. "I'm sure you would have been good at picking out dresses last night too." She perfectly executed the dismissive attitude she was going for. Go me.

  Her response was not what Connor was expecting. At all. He was both relieved and annoyed. Why didn't she want to talk about it? "You take me with you and I'm going to pick out something hideous. The ugliest dress you can imagine, Liv."

  "Then I'll go with the one you hate the most."

  He was baffled. She really didn't want to talk about it? "You sure you're still okay with me and Ana going with you guys?" There. Perfect opening for her.

  "Why wouldn't I be? It's fine with me."

  "Ooookay. I'll ask her then."

  Mr. Jones walked in, dropped a kiss on Liv's head and said, "Game's on, Connor."

  They moved as one to the den. "I'll let you know when to be available," Liv called cheerfully after Connor. He turned back to sneer at her before he dropped onto the sofa.

  Her expression told him she was really, really satisfied.

  Connor really, really wasn't.

  He hardly followed the football game. He felt so...messed up. Knew he was almost fixated on Liv and Jackson and that sat as comfortably with him as watching a cat eating a bird. Gruesome but still gripping.

  He kept remembering the way she'd been with Jackson during school, and then he wondered incessantly what she'd almost said about him and Ana. And it was so wrong.

  He'd noticed Ana checking out Liv and Jackson during lunch and how she'd looked relieved. And envious.

  He did suck as a boyfriend, after all. Yet another reason why he shouldn't even try to influence what Liv had going on.

  He stood abruptly. "I just remembered a project I need to work on."

  Mr. Jones barely looked at him. "Get on it."

  His project was to stop thinking about Liv. It was hard though. He couldn't stop going to her house. He needed them. All of them. Instead, he reverted to not talking about Jackson at all. Liv seemed on board with the plan, but a few days into their unspoken agreement, she broke the rule.

  "I'm meeting Jackson's dad today," she said over breakfast.

  He grimaced into his cereal bowl. "Good luck with that."

  "Any advice?"

  "Say as little as possible?"

  "That's what's worked for you?" When he didn't say anything she said, "What was it like, meeting Ana's mom?"

  He glanced at her and quickly looked away. "You're lucky with your parents, Liv."

  "What does that mean?"

  "It means her mom hardly cares what we do. Or what kind of guy I am. She's never there."

  "Seriously?"

  "She's there long enough to leave cash on the table with a grocery list for Ana. Lately she hasn't even bothered with the list."

  Liv had a troubled look on her face. "I remember when we were younger her mom gave her a lot more freedom than me or Chelse. But she never just left her. That's kind of sad." Liv bit her bottom lip in a way he found uncomfortably distracting. "I do have amazing parents. Maybe I'll say that to Jackson's dad."

  "Why are you meeting him already? Are you even Jackson's girlfriend yet?"

  Liv frowned. "He hasn't asked or said anything about being exclusive. But he acts like it."

  "Maybe he has to get his dad's holy permission first. Make sure you're pure enough."

  "Ew."

  He grinned at her expression. "You should have a bible quote ready. Find one and memorize it. You'll be Jackson's girlfriend by the end of the week. Guaranteed."

  She laughed and looked entirely entertained. "You are so wrong."

  "In that so-wrong-it's-right kind of way." He took his bowl to the sink. "Time to get, Lucky."

  "Cute."

  When they got to school, Liv saw Ana right away. For the first time in a long time, she really looked at her. And felt sad. They used to be good friends. Ana had always been the most preoccupied with guys and her appearance, but before it got really bad, they used to hang out all the time. They did fun, stupid stuff like teepeeing David's house, or movie hopping.

  Those days were gone. Forever.

  "What has you looking so
sad?" Jackson said as he met her. "Thinking about meeting my dad?"

  Liv smiled and moved to hug him, but he went to kiss her. The awkward body-head bump made her laugh in embarrassment. Did he notice how inexperienced she was? She wondered if he liked that or would get annoyed by it.

  "Don't worry. He's not that scary."

  Not comforting.

  She was more nervous than she had realized. Each tick of the clock that brought her closer to meeting Jackson's father, the more silent she became. She hardly said a word during lunch, and when she walked to the gym after school, she had a sick feeling fluttering in her stomach and...palm sweat. So nasty.

  She spotted his dad the minute she walked into the gym. They looked remarkably alike. And he was watching for her.

  It was just a practice game, so there were only a few people in the stands. Liv wasn't sure if that was a good thing as she climbed the bleachers.

  "Mr. Wreyford?" she said, and then nearly winced. She sounded frightened and timid to her own ears.

  He stood with a restless sort of energy. "You must be Liv. Sit." He indicated the bench next to him.

  She sat, glad he hadn't tried to shake her hand. She looked at the gym floor and saw Jackson playing with obvious skill. Had he even noticed her walk in?

  Mr. Wreyford watched the game in silence for a few minutes, which made Liv feel really uncomfortable. Was she supposed to make conversation?

  She was so preoccupied, she jumped, with a bit of scream thrown in, when he suddenly surged to his feet and shouted, "Come on!"

  She was embarrassed for him. Or would have been, if he seemed the least bit concerned that he'd just made a spectacle of himself. "So, Liv," he said when he sat back down. "Jackson says you come from a good family."

  Weird. "Yeah, my parents are amazing." There went her whole talking point.

  "That's good." He said it like she'd passed an important test. "Are they really involved in your life? Care about your grades?"

  Still weird. "Yeah. My dad just sat down with me to figure out colleges and scholarships and all that."

  "What are your study plans?"

  He still wasn't looking at her, his eyes in constant movement over the game. She looked too, only hers were steadfast on Jackson. He needed to look at her so he could HELP. "I'm applying to USC for psychology."

  He finally turned toward her. Appraising her. "Some people say there's a conflict with God and psychology. I'm not one of them."

  "Oh. That's good."

  "Jackson told you I'm in the ministry?"

  "Yes."

  "I'll get the surprising part out of the way and invite you to church now." He said it in a teasing tone. Before she could do anything other than laugh awkwardly, he continued, "I love my son. I embarrass him with how much I get into his life, but that's love."

  Was it? Everyone had their way, she supposed.

  "But he's got a good head on his shoulders, and I think he's done well with you."

  "Sorry?"

  He pressed his lips together as if he'd said something he shouldn't. "I have a tendency to be too honest. I should let Jackson say the rest." He turned back to the game. "We'll have you over for dinner soon. Think your parents would come if I invited them?"

  "Um--"

  "Does your dad like beef? I'll barbeque some steaks."

  "He-- Sure. I'll tell him."

  He patted her on the shoulder. She supposed that meant he approved.

  When the game was over, Jackson finally looked up at them. He called out to Liv, asking her to wait. "I'll be quick."

  While they waited, Mr. Wreyford told her about a family trip to Italy they'd taken the year before. "They drive like maniacs there."

  Jackson came up just then. "That's where Dad taught me how to drive."

  "Really?" Liv said.

  Mr. Wreyford shook his head. "School parking lot actually. Nice try, son. See you at home?" To Liv he said. "Wonderful to meet you."

  Liv said goodbye and breathed easy for the first time all day.

  On the way to her car, Jackson said, "How'd it go?"

  "I don't know. Good, I think." She was still wondering why though. "Did you-- Did he have to meet me for a specific reason?"

  "That bad huh?" He chuckled. "Honestly, he wishes I'd be with people at church, but since they're not really my crowd he likes to check. S'alright with me but it can be weird for my friends."

  "Oh." She was just a friend?

  But then he kissed her. Not like a friend. He kissed her so passionately she tried to pull away, worried his father might still be around, embarrassed to have anyone see them. He only redirected his attention and trailed kisses down her neck where he started...licking? Sucking.

  It was sort of nice. It also made her uncomfortable.

  "Ja-- Jackson stop. Please."

  He pulled away. "What's wrong?"

  "I'm not..." Why was this so hard to say? "It's kind of happening too fast for me."

  "It is?" He looked disappointed. "Well we can take it slower if you want."

  She smiled a little shakily up at him. "Thank you."

  He rubbed his hands up her arms and gently kissed her on the lips. "See you tomorrow?"

  "Okay." She got in her car but before she closed the door she said, "When do you think your dad will want to have dinner with my parents?"

  Jackson rolled his eyes. "He always says stuff like that, but don't worry about it. He never follows through."

  That was a relief. The thought of having a big ole family dinner with a brand-spanking-new-almost-boyfriend was cringe worthy. Liv said 'bye' one last time then drove home.

  Connor was just walking into the house when she pulled up. He was just beginning to pull off his dirty shirt when she opened the door. He obviously hadn't heard her come in, because he continued to take it off, tossed it onto a chair and began to pull on a clean one.

  He had bruises all over his left shoulder and upper back. She gasped. "Connor! What happened?"

  He whirled to face her, but he finished pulling his shirt down before he said, "Accident at work. Nothing major."

  He must have known exactly what she was thinking from the expression on her face, because he immediately got defensive. "Stop looking at me like that," he snapped. "I didn't get hit again, okay."

  Her intent gaze only seemed to make him angrier. "Then why are you acting so upset?" she said.

  "I'm not upset! I don't like you looking at me like I'm some poor abused kid."

  "I wasn't--"

  "You just did!"

  Liv opened her mouth to apologize, to ask why he was so angry, but he shook his head and stalked to the door. "Tell your parents I'm having dinner with Ana tonight. And her mom." He flicked the door shut behind him. It didn't quite slam.

  Liv winced. She'd screwed up. Somehow.

  It was really lonely, not having him there for dinner. She was anxious to see him the next morning. Needed to talk to him, to apologize, to tell him that she didn't look at him as being less.

  But he never showed.

  For days.

  * * *

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Full Circle

  She called him. She texted.

  Nothing.

  The morning after his dinner date with Ana, Connor called her dad and said he was sick. Liv was afraid to believe it. The bruises...

  Dad confirmed Connor reported an injury but that it was minor. Dad hadn't seen the damage on him though. Liv was afraid to tell him how bad it was until she knew for sure exactly what--or who--caused it.

  After two days of not seeing or hearing from him, she felt like a hot mess--without the hot. It was like a vicious cycle. She needed to be de-Connor-fied. She was supposed to not look at him like an abused kid. But he'd been abused. And because of the one, she was failing at the other.

  Otherwise, she'd be doing just fine.

  She would.

  Once again Liv caught herself staring blankly at nothing, and shook her head in an effort to clear her th
oughts. She had a date to get ready for. Jackson had arranged for David and his Pet to go paddle surfing in the harbor with them, and then have lunch.

  She was kind of glad they were going out earlier in the day. It took the pressure off.

  Every day at school and afterwards when he walked her to her car, Jackson was respecting her request to take it a little slower, but still wasn't going quite as slow as she wanted. She was afraid to say anything though. And she was confused because she was enjoying it, but he always got to a point where she pulled away and felt like saying, "Stop."

  She didn't say it, tried to play it cool, even coy, but the nerves were always there.

  Liv pulled out her new bikini. She'd bought it a couple weeks ago when she decided she felt confident enough about her body now to actually wear one. She just wasn't sure yet if she wore it well, and debated wearing her trusty one piece. But it was old and girly, in that Disney's Little Princesses kind of way. Wearing it would only emphasize what a late bloomer she'd been.

  Bikini it was.

  She threw a tank top and board shorts over it, and had just pulled her hair in a ponytail when Jackson rang the bell.

  Dad managed to subtly threaten in his charming way. "Do bad, I'll make your life bad."

  Jackson laughed. "Yes, sir."

  Liv planted a kiss on Dad's cheek and they left. When they got to the beach, David and Pet were already there. Liv almost laughed because the girl looked a little like a bird. Pretty, but still dove-like.

  "Hi, I'm Marina." She was friendly and sweet and Liv liked her instantly. They chatted while the guys rented the boards.

  "How long have you and David been dating?" Liv said.

  "Since the beginning of last summer."

  So David's been playing her for months? Liv remembered all the different girls he'd said he hooked up with. It made her angry. David doesn't deserve such a nice girl--

  Her internal rant was interrupted when Marina said, "We were together every day all summer long. It's been hard having to wait until after school and the weekends to see each other. I wish we went to the same school, you know?"

  Liv gaped. "Every day?"

  "He doesn't like people to know. He thinks he's so cool."

  They laughed, because it was so true.